Before & After
Many of us have two best friends in life.
One who knew us before life happened to us.
And one who met us after.
As kids, friendship was mostly about convenience. We shared the same school bus, lived in the same building, attended the same classes, and practiced for annual events together. When one of us forgot the dance steps, we both got scolded. Sometimes our mothers became friends first, and we just went along with it without much say.
Nobody was looking for emotional compatibility at age 10. You just needed someone to save you a seat during assembly, share snacks, and keep quiet when your mom asked, “What time did you come home?”
But adulthood changes friendships completely.
Now, friendships are formed in office cafeterias, apartment lifts, gym changing rooms, wedding bathrooms, and through long voice notes recorded in traffic. Those notes often start with, “I swear I’m done,” even though everyone knows you aren’t really finished because tomorrow is Monday and your laundry basket is already judging you.
The Support Groups We Accidentally Built
Adult friendships rarely come with big declarations.
Most of them quietly form through coffee meet-ups on Sundays disguised as “let’s get coffee.” They grow through weary glances exchanged at a party you didn’t even want to attend. They somehow begin with one small complaint about work and end with conversations about PMS, apartment charges, and emotionally unavailable men.
In the middle of all this, people quietly become part of each other’s daily lives. They send voice notes right after tough meetings. They understand that when you say, “I’m tired,” it often has nothing to do with sleep.
Maybe that’s why adult friendships can feel easier. By adulthood, everyone knows life is messy. No one expects perfect versions of each other anymore, which may reduce judgment. Everyone is dealing with something.
The Local Train Aunties
This is likely why some of the strongest forms of adult friendship exist on Mumbai local trains.
Every day, groups of women meet in the same compartment at the same time for years. Some know each other’s entire family histories even without meeting the families. They know all the office colleagues by name but might not recognize them on the street.
Yet, they know everything important.
They know when your child’s exams begin and which manager messes up your quarter. They can tell when your face looks tired before you ask, “Aur bata, din kaisa tha?”
That’s what adult friendships slowly turn into.
Not always dramatic or life-defining relationships. Sometimes they are just people who learn the emotional landscape of your life so well that they can tell something’s wrong before you’ve even said it yourself.
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