The Unexpected Freedom Of Caring Less

We Learn To Be Acceptable

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, many of us quietly become performers.

As young girls, we grow up looking at our mothers, maasis, older cousins and other women we admire as role models. Naturally, we start copying them. We seek their approval, imitate the parts we like and slowly mould ourselves into versions we believe the world will accept.

The problem is that many of those moulds were created for women living in a completely different time. There was nothing wrong with who they were, but the world they prepared us for isn’t always the one we inherit.

Trying to fit yourself into someone else’s mould is a bit like trying to squeeze a UK size 8 foot into a UK size 6 heel. You might love the shoes, but they were never made for your feet. Force them long enough and eventually something starts to hurt.

We Mistake Confidence For Authenticity

Growing up, it’s easy to confuse admiration with imitation.

I’ve seen young girls try to become loud because they admire outspoken women. Others force themselves to become quieter because they think softness is what makes a woman likeable. The problem isn’t the personality they’re copying. The problem is that it isn’t theirs.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against muhphat women. Especially considering I happen to be one.

The older I get, the more I realise that confidence doesn’t come from borrowing someone else’s personality. It comes from becoming more comfortable with your own.

Then We Slowly Meet Ourselves

As we get older, something quietly shifts.

Some women retreat further into the versions the world expects of them. Others slowly become more of who they have always been.

For the longest time, I thought I needed to be friends with everyone. I wanted to be the life of every party. I’d volunteer to bring the birthday cake for someone I wasn’t even particularly close to because I thought that was the kind of person I was supposed to be.

Turns out, I’m an ambivert.

I still do those things for people I genuinely love, but I no longer feel the need to do them for everyone. More importantly, I’ve stopped feeling guilty about wanting a quiet weekend or saying no to plans simply because I don’t feel like being social.

Freedom Arrives Quietly

Perhaps that’s why growing older feels surprisingly liberating.

Not because we suddenly stop caring what people think, but because we finally become more comfortable with who we are.

Someone will always have an opinion about the way you speak, dress, work, date or live your life. The voices never really disappear.

The difference is that they slowly stop becoming louder than your own.

The unexpected freedom of caring less isn’t really about caring less at all.

It’s about finally becoming yourself. And once you do that, everyone else’s expectations quietly lose the power they once had.